My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
