new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize