See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
