all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
