I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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