I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
