You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
