She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
