Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
