Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
