Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
