That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.