how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet