He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.