dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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