4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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