OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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