Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
