I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
