last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
