she woke up with a sticky ear
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
