Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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