YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
