is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
