3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
