just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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