I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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