I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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