Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
