I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
