well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
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4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
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Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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