if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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