I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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