She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
