i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
