I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
