apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
