3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
