I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We're too hungover to prance.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
