Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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