if you like me you must not know who I am
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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