My liver just broke up with me...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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