whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
