Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
