I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
