i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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