I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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