Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
