that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
