In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
