i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
