I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
