she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
