The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
