Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
