Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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