On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
