Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
